it's been almost two years since our first loss.
you can read levee's story here.
i'm writing this for anyone who is walking through the fire right now.
it gets easier to breathe.
there are times that i'll be sitting at a red light
and just gasp.
because i cannot believe that we walked through
what we did and are not just living,
but thriving today.
not an hour goes by (literally)
that i don't ache to hold levee and meadow
or wonder what that moment would be like
with two more little ones running around
weekly someone asks me when we are having another one
or says "wow, must be so easy with only one"
and it stings. so bad.
and i want to say
"I HAVE THREE! and i would give anything
to clean up after them or chase them at the park or to be
as exhasted as you are".
but through all of that hurt and pain,
there is joy.
because we have chosen it.
i'm not happy that my babies died inside of me.
but the joy of the Lord is my strength.
and i mean it.
to have experienced the peace that we did
when we handed levee to the nurse for the last time,
we feel so blessed and fortunate.
some people go through life never feeling that.
sitting at lunch today
(watching willow play)
W and i both teared up at the thought of
i say this to say that
it will always always hurt.
but you will smile again.
you will laugh again.
and you may one day thank God for choosing you to be the one
to be their momma.
and heaven is so much sweeter now.
there is no fear.
and not because i love jesus.
but because He has my whole heart and my whole life.
if you are walking through this,
i'd be honored to walk with you.
i will pray with you and answer the
questions that are hard to ask.
i had a friend who walked with me
and i feel fortunate to be able to pay that forward.