dear willow,

dear willow,

Thursday, June 27, 2013

happy birthday, meadow

"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why." -Mark Twain

As a little girl, I never dreamed (or could have dreamed) of all the things I'd get to do in my life. There have been SO many good moments/days/years.

But there have been some incredibly tough times too.

Was the reason that I was born really to deliver two babies that I will never get to hold again until heaven? And then miscarry two more much earlier?


A year ago tomorrow, our precious little girl, Meadow Grace was born right into heaven, just 8 months after her big brother, Levee. Going through it once was so hard but the second time just wrecked me.

I'm a very logical person and I like to figure things out, so not having a "why" was so incredibly difficult for me. I thought that if I just knew why it happened or what I was supposed to be learning from it, THEN I could be okay. I think I held my breath for a good 4 months after it happened because I didn't think I would be okay if I breathed. But I was. And I am.

God's our daddy, ya know? And just like I would never let Willow hurt alone, He never let me hurt alone either. He provided so many different people and situations to help me heal.

The only picture that we have of her is this sonogram. It's framed in our kitchen but when I take the time to really look at it, my breath catches in my throat and tears well up because I see how real she was/is.

Even though I'll never understand "why" God chose me to be their momma, I am so thankful that He did. And if He chooses me to be the momma to more then that's okay too.

My heart aches to hold a warm baby again and it aches to give Willow that baby brother or sister that she prays for. But if I've learned anything, it's that God's plan is better than I could ever dream of and His timing is perfect.

Happy Birthday, Meadow. Watch for the pink balloons tomorrow from your proud sister!

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