it's a boy!

oh my goodness.

can't even tell you how excited i am

to write that!

we found out right smack in the middle

of my kidney issues that

God had picked His perfect time for us

to have another baby. :)

our friend and the NP who was

treating us found out even before W.

i sent him a pic of the positive test

with something along the lines of

WHAT???!!!???!!!!!

i had been pumped with so many medicines,

had a high high fever

 and yet this little boy was hanging on with us!

every minute that goes by is a battle between

God saying "I already promised you this"

and Satan saying "you've lost him. you won't get to hold him"

and that has been so so so hard.

my doctors are the biggest cheerleaders

and with sonograms to peek at him 

every 2 weeks (or sooner when i freak out)

we are all on the same page. 

they'll take him out as soon as he's ready to live outside

of my tummy.

our goal is to have him HERE healthy. :)

so far, everything is perfect so 

we take it 5 minutes at a time,

one day at a time.

(THIS HAS BEEN THE LONGEST 14 WEEKS AND 4 DAYS OF MY LIFE!!!!!!)

i had a freak out last week (the week in between sonos)

and so we went in to check on him.

in my mind, i knew that there wouldn't be a heartbeat

and i just dreaded every bit of what was to come.

(i had a previously planned lunch with my pastors wife

and "miss laura" as we lovingly call her who

happens to know EXACTLY what i was feeling

and has a miracle baby of her own.

God knew what was to come in me emotionally

and just who i would need to visit with

that day.) :)

so anyway,

i was SHOCKED and overwhelmed to tears when we saw that 

precious, perfect heartbeat.

i had eaten candy corn on the way (through tears, ha!)

so that if he was alive, he would move for us

and my goodness, he gave us a show.

it was incredible!

and that's when we found out that "it" was a "he"!!

of course i would have been happy either way but i'm SO EXCITED

to have a another little boy to hold!

we are still cautiously excited

but know without a doubt that regardless

of how this story has (already) been written,

it will be perfect.

xo

p.s.

 i'm pretty sure that everyone who reads this blog either knows or now knows of my dear friend lauren (landrum) bowie. her precious baby wills went to be with Jesus on Friday. heartbroken is an understatement but she is such a beautiful, strong mama and we will be celebrating his life tomorrow morning.  read her blog and please consider packing a shoebox for operation christmas child in his honor this year.