dear willow,

dear willow,

Thursday, January 23, 2014

{26 weeks}

twenty six weeks. twenty. six.
my goodness i'm one happy girl.

we started steroid injections last week.
(w will give them to me every week)
taking all precautions to keep this little boy
cooking and his lungs strong!
side story about these bad boys...
we could buy a NICE car for what these shots cost.
compound pharmacies aren't allowed to make them anymore
so that you have to go straight to the company.
we had NO idea how in the world we were going
to pull this off.
then the kindest lady who works in my doctors office
found the ONE pharmacy in the state
who still had the ingredients left.
sixty five dollars.
Jesus loves me, THIS I KNOW!
(turns out, pre term labor is very near to her heart which gave her the extra determination and time that it took to find this medicine. amazing.)

feeling him move so much.
and then he gives momma a heart attack
and sleeps a lot and makes it hard to find his heartbeat.
i think he's facing my back right now because i feel
him kicking toward my insides.
and my bladder. ha! yikes.
he's been head down the whole time and
willow was always head up so it's felt very different this whole time.
i think that's cool. :)

this has been a tough week emotionally.
had a horrible nightmare that we lost him.
can't explain how surreal it will be to
hold him in my arms.
it's a funny feeling to want him to grow inside
as long as possible but at the same time
trusting like never before.

the rib pain has started.
so what.
tummy muscles sore.
so what.
back aches.
so what.
this is the part of having lost that is so beautiful.
complete change in perspectives.
what a shame it would be to lose something
and not be radically changed by it.

check up on tuesday. :)
we're down to the wire now
so we'll be watching closely for
any signs that he's not happy in there.
pray with us?

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