dear levee,
it's Christmas eve eve. oh how I ache for you to be here to see all of the sparkly lights and smell the yummy smells of Christmas cookies baking. even if you were still in my tummy, I just know you'd be kicking up a storm with all the hot cocoa I've been drinking. the weather has been rainy and sort of muggy at times. your sister and I have been busy getting the last minute things together for the holiday. I didn't know it would be so hard without you. I knew we'd be sad but since you weren't due just yet, I wasn't sure how much it would affect me. oh levee, how I miss you and wish you were here. your sister has a beautiful dress to wear on Christmas day with gingerbread on it. if you were to have been born early like her, we would be meeting you about now. we talked so often about how exciting this Christmas would be, not knowing when you'd make an appearance. we're still happy, levee. momma and daddy have never been happier but we just long to hold you again. I'm so thankful for the time we did get to hold you. I wish I had laid you on my chest, skin to skin. I regret that a lot. I still remember what you felt like, to hold you and kiss you. I have a big lump in my throat just thinking about it. your little ashes are still right here next to me. the box says "baby boy william levee boren". I just opened the beautiful velvet bag a few days ago and saw that. it made me cry. mostly because you were treated so respectfully by everyone who was blessed enough to handle your earthly body. I wonder what Christmas is like in heaven. I know you will have such an incredible celebration. it's your first Christmas so don't forget any details because I want to hear all about it when I get there! I can't wait! I wonder if you've met your great grandpa yet? I'm sure you have. he was a very talented musician so make sure he teaches you how to play the piano or at least rocks you to sleep and says "ba ba" like he used to do with me. willow and I heard your song today (you lift me up). I like when God uses people like that to remind me of His everlasting love. you're so loved, little boy. merry Christmas. xo
love,
mommy
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o:)
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